Did You Find Everything?

I believe that I have found a sure-fire way of flummoxing grocery clerks into complete silence during the checkout process. If they ask, as many do, “Did you find everything you were looking for?” just say, “No.” They don’t know how to respond! They’re so used to people saying “yes” that they have no pre-programmed response at the ready. Their managers have probably instructed them to ask the question, but haven’t told them to ask, “What is it that you couldn’t find?”

OK, it’s possible that I look like some kind of eccentric old character who might answer, “I couldn’t find the meaning of life” or “I was looking for a fresh zebra heart for an exotic meal I’m preparing for the Grand Poobah of Zanzibar.” But today I couldn’t find any Breyers cherry vanilla ice cream, which this store normally carries. Also, since I now carry my lunch to work, I had hoped to find some of those microwaveable canned meals for one person so I wouldn’t have to make a boring sandwich every morning. They had a very poor selection, so I didn’t buy any. I also couldn’t find the brand of toothpaste that my dental hygienist recommended.

So, tomorrow I’ll have to go to the local Safeway, which has been particularly guilty of discontinuing many of my favorite foodstuffs (including the aforementioned Breyers cherry vanilla ice cream). I was once asked by the checkout cashier at this particular Safeway store if I had found everything I was looking for, to which I answered, “No.” My response elicited silence that time too. I have developed a real dislike for this so-called “super store” but it’s only a few blocks from my home, so I find myself patronizing it more than I would otherwise.

Among the jobs I have held in my checkered career has been grocery clerk. I understand that they have probably been instructed to ask the customers questions like, “Did you find everything you were looking for?” but perhaps the next logical step might be to inquire further about what it was the customer couldn’t find. I know that by asking that follow-up question, the doors are opened to myriad possible criticisms, suggestions, questions, etc. that will muck up the smooth flow of customer checkout. But if you really don’t want to know, or you don’t care what your customers aren’t finding in your place of business, why the hell ask the question?

New Job, Old Feelings

I guess I spent too many years in the highly unstable radio business. One of my fellow employees at my brand new, part time-job said something early in the week that made me think my neck was already on the chopping block. She said that she and the other woman in the office were meeting for lunch with the boss, and it was about something I probably wouldn’t like.

My chest tightened, my stomach began to ache and my imagination went rampant with all kinds of scenarios about what I might have done wrong to get myself fired so soon after finally landing a job that I like amongst people I also like. Well, it turns out that our boss announced at lunch that she had accepted a new job with the county and had given her two weeks notice. When I told the gals what my imagination had conjured up during their luncheon meeting, they felt pretty badly about it and assured me that I’m “a keeper.”

Then, the next day I got called into the boss’s office by one of her bosses. The tummy tumbled again and the imaginary rope around my chest cinched tightly as the office door closed behind me. “Shit!” I’m thinking. How much of this kind of thing can an old fart like me take before he just drops dead in his tracks?

As it turns out, they wanted to know if I’d be willing to take on more hours – even go full-time to take on some of the administrative duties that my soon-to-be ex-boss has been handling. Well, yessss I informed them. So, beginning Tuesday, I’ll be a full-time employee – at least temporarily. This is a non-profit company and does have to watch the bottom line with administrative costs, so until the dust has settled and my current boss has been replaced and responsibilities are reevaluated and prioritized, I am to consider my full-time status as temporary. That said – I’m pretty happy with the way things are turning out. Now, if I could just get rid of this nagging feeling of impending doom I’ve been carrying around since my radio days….

My wife is scheduled for her second carpel tunnel surgery Monday morning. Left wrist this time. We’ll both be happy when this ordeal is over. But not as happy as I’ll be if my beloved Seahawks will the Super Bowl on Sunday! I’ve been waiting a looooong time for this game!