Idiotic Facebook Quiz, and My Answers

I belong to the social networking site, Facebook. Some idiot devised a “quiz” in which people can answer inane questions about other Facebook members. A few people actually had nothing better to do than to respond to this quiz and answer questions about what they think they know about me. I found out that nobody really knows the real me. I haven't addressed all of the questions and answers about yours truly, but here are some of the questions and my answers.

Q: Do you think that Frank should pass on the chocolate cake?

A: Perhaps, but he likes chocolate cake and isn't about to pass on it if it's offered.

Q: Do you think that Frank has a nice body?

A: I truly resent that some of you said “no.” Obviously, you need to have your eyes examined.

Q: Do you think that Frank likes brownies?

A: Yes, indeed. I think brownies are farrrr out, man. I'm not too crazy about the little girls in brown uniforms who call themselves Brownies though.

Q: Do you think that Frank could shoot someone if they had to?

A: All of you answered “No.” I am a veteran who agreed to shoot someone if I had to during wartime. Fortunately, I didn't have to. I would shoot someone who threatened my family, friends, my country or myself.

Q: Is Frank smarter than Oprah?

A: You all answered “yes.” How very astute of you.

Q: Do you think that Frank has ever picked their nose in public?

A: Obviously, whomever wrote this question failed freshman English. Frank has picked his, not “their” nose in public, and would do it again if he thought nobody would catch him.

Q: Do you think that Frank is better looking than Rosie O'Donnell?

A: Some of you actually answered “no” to this question. You have hurt me to the quick.

Q: Do you think that Frank has showered today?

A: Yes, I probably did. If it wasn't a weekend, or a holiday. My question to the idiot who devised this quiz is, why did you ask this question twice? Was it a Freudian slip because you are insecure about your own hygienic habits?

Q: Is Frank a cheap skate?

A: Y'all said “no.” Hey, I could squeeze a nickel 'til it bleeds.

Q: Do you think that Frank has ever lied to avoid a date?

A: I was a bachelor until I was 41! Hell yes I've lied to avoid dates!

Q: Do you think that Frank would help an elderly woman cross the street?

A: But I'd much rather have a young woman help ME – with whatever.

Q: Is Frank crazy like Ron Artest?

A: Who the hell is Ron Artest?