Death & Taxes

The old saw goes, “The only sure things in life are death and taxes” – or something like that. Did you know that even if you die, you still have to pay income taxes on what you made during the year you croaked? It’s a fact. The IRS has probably ordered St. Peter not to let you through the pearly gates until your account with them has been settled under threat of a thorough audit.

I just finished a course for would-be tax preparers through H & R Block, which was paid for by one of my former employers. This former boss, who advertises himself and his business as “tax accountants”, has been in business for about 50 years. He paid $174 for me to take this course from his biggest competitor, and then the old goat fired me two weeks before I finished the course. I decided, “what the hell,” and finished the class and took the final exam. After knew with absolute certainty after the first week of this course that I did not want to ever be asked to prepare anyone else’s taxes. After 60 class hours, and probably double that in homework, I do not want to ever do my own taxes without the help of software such as Turbo Tax or its ilk.

My sainted mother used to emphasize that she did not want to debate an issue with me (or anybody else) by saying, “No ifs, ands or buts.” This meant there was no room whatsoever for any interpretation of what she said. No argument! That’s Final! Finito! Our federal tax code is thousands and thousands of pages of “ifs, ands or buts”. In the three months I gave up six hours every Saturday and most of my days off taking this tax preparers course, I cannot recall finding a single tax regulation that did not have some kind of “if, and or but” – except, of course, for the one about having to pay your taxes even after you’ve kicked the bucket.

I would like to propose that each and every person seeking election or reelection to the U. S. Congress be REQUIRED to take the same or similar course that I just completed. Make them take a good look at what they and their predecessors have wrought! Notice that I am not blaming the IRS for this indecipherable maze of mumbo jumbo that we refer to as a tax code. The IRS doesn’t write the tax laws, they just enforce them. With vigor.

I have no objection to paying my fair share of taxes. I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty good citizen and that’s what a good citizen does. I just want a tax code that anybody with a rudimentary understanding of written English can understand, that don’t refer me to umpteen different publications which, in turn, refer me to the myriad worksheets and forms that are designed to confuse and bewilder the average person so they have to pay “professional tax preparers” or “tax accountants” like the old fart who fired me recently. Geez, if we could figure out how to do our own taxes what would happen to one of the country’s largest and most profitable businesses (H & R Block), CPAs, and “tax professionals?

Why was I fired you may ask. Damned if I know for certain. I got a hand-written note from the old boy saying, "I have given considerable amount of thought to your work and how it benefits our office. After careful evaluation I believe your temperment does not give the right skills to our situation." Whatever the hell that means!

The guy's wife took over the office management several months ago after firing the whole staff. She hired me, and she did not agree with her husband's decision to let me go. He told me on my first day there back in August that I was the first man that had ever worked for him. I believe that therein lies the problem. I started to write some things here that I know about his treatment of female employees, but have deleted that part of this rant.

So, I'm looking for work again. Isn't it ironic that Congress has started raising the age when we can start drawing Social Security and businesses are lowering the age at which they will hire you?